A Day in the Mind of a Perpetually Failing Dieter

Wake up.

This is the day. TODAY I start. No sugar, no breads. There is NO reason for me to eat them! I can do this! Other people do this every day of their life. Why not me? Why wouldn't I want to look amazing too? I can do this!

Step on scale. Okay, haven't seen this weight in a very long time. Not gonna cry. Get a good look because you'll NEVER see this number again!

Doesn't fit. Looks horrible. I won't be able to wear this for at least another 10 pounds. This still has the f*ing tags on it,  haven't even come close to fitting in this. Yup, I am doing this, starting today.  Leggings, loose sweater, go.

Order my coffee.  Peeps on a donut? Nice try, peeps. Not today. Not any day.

...well maybe some day, but definitely not today.

Two hard boiled eggs for breakfast. I'm killing it. Feeling great. So, I started today. I can lose 2 lbs a week. That means by May 6th I can be down 8 pounds.  By June 7, I can be down 16 pounds. 16 pounds, EASY. Doing it.

Why do I smell waffles?  No big deal, I gots me some grapes for a snack.

What the hell am I going to wear to the shower this weekend? If I have to wear leggings and my sweater to one more stupid event I'm gonna hurl myself out a window. Have. to. find. something.  ...cheap. Have to find something cheap. I can prob lose 5 pounds by the weekend if I'm really good and at least my face will look thinner for pictures.

Seriously who brings waffles to work.

How is it only 11:15?!?! Whatever, I'll just have my afternoon orange now. I can eat lunch a little later and then I won't need an afternoon snack.

MOST UN-FILLING LUNCH EVER. I AM SCREWED.

Okay calm down. Lots of girls let themselves feel hungry in between meals. You're not dying. Drink some water.

I freaking hate drinking water.

I should start bringing sneakers to work so I can go for a run while I'm here.

I'll never do that.   Plus we're paying $200 for a gym membership. Must. get. to. gym.

There's leftover cake in the kitchen? Why did you tell me that? Thank you for telling me that.  I'm ...I might. I, no....NOPE. Good for me. I am awesome! Refusing cake! Who am I??

Oh my god. HELLO! I'm getting a diet coke! It's DIET COKE TIME! Best snack ever!

Is the cake still there?

Stop it.  Just stop it. You don't fit into pants. But I just love cake so stinkin much. Like, why do I love cake SO much? Now all I can think about is cake. I can't even hear the word "birthday" without starting to think about cake. What is WRONG with me?! Doesn't matter because I'm doing something about it.

The cake is gone? SHIT. I mean, PHEW. Shit, but phew.

Thank God, time to go home.  Grabbed 2 bite size peanut butter cups from the office by the stairwell because no one was around. WHY. WHY DID I JUST EAT THAT? I just ruined my whole day in two seconds. My whole god damn day.

No I didn't. That was like, 100 calories at best. Get over it, people. Not a big deal. I can eat a little sugar.

I didn't plan dinner. Am I kidding? How did I not plan dinner for my first day of dieting.

Hubs just offered to bring home a pizza.  Ugh...no. No, we can't.  But I'm so stinkin tired and so stinkin hungry. Do you want me to defrost some chicken? Please say no.

Okay. Cheese please.  I am seriously the worst.

I'm only going to have two slices.

How did I just let myself have 4 slices.

9:00. Baby's in bed. I need something sweet or I'm gonna die. I already screwed up my day anyway. Handfuls of white choc chips in the closet. Barely a snack at all.

Seriously? I'm literally chewing chocolate 7 minutes before I put myself to bed. I am so gross. Brushing teeth - officially done.

I can't believe I did this again.  I am gonna be fat forever.


...tomorrow I'm going to have a perfect day.