I'm a Creep

My last post about Halloween costumes for women got me thinking about my own issues with sexy characters. So blah blah blah, I hate when women get depicted as oversexualized and when we sexualize little girls and childhood toys and characters.

BUT...I'm ashamed to say that from birth, I have been drawn to the sexy female character. Or any thing or character that was feminized or sexualized. And not in the way that every girl loves female characters. I think my obsession with these sexy women was borderline inappropriate, because I can never tell if I want them, or want to be them.


I loved Minnie. But only when Daisy wasn't around. Half-closed eyes, dark eye shadow and long black eyelashes - those three simple features turn any character into a animated sex symbol. Daisy Duck, Ms. Pacman, Jessica Rabbit, etc.


Speaking of Jessica Rabbit...what the heck. Am I supposed to want to kiss and squeeze her? Because I think I do? I mean, I want to be her, but I want to be with her also. I actually just googled her to remind myself of how hot she was. Had I been a little boy instead of a little girl (though judging from some of the pictures back then it could have been argued either way) I think my parents would have been uncomfortable with the amount of times I watched that movie. I mean, look at her! I almost feel embarrassed when I do, like I'm looking at something I shouldn't be seeing. Sort of like "stumbling" upon the "bad" channels your parents thought they blocked during your childhood and watching anything that came even close to showing nakedness.


And what is with my obsession with Betty Boop? Or, any of these women? Why am I so obsessed with staring at them and wishing to God that I would become them? It makes me sad that someone so adamantly opposed to the obejctification of women is so insanely drawn to those objectifications. My confusion is here: Are these characters even really supposed to be adored by girls? I don't know, I'd guess no. But I'd also guess that a 10 year old girl wouldn't take a "bra and lingerie" pamphlet that arrived free in the mail to her bedroom and hide it under her bed. That's normal, right??













am i gay?

Halloween

Halloween is right around the corner, and I can never decide if that makes me happy or terribly, terribly sad.

When I was in college, I dressed up one year for Halloween. One year. And my costume was a boy magnet. I wore all black and attached ken dolls to my shirt. I thought it was pretty funny, but at that point was unfamiliar with just what I would be up against. I'd love to use this as an opportunity to post a picture on my blog, but I just searched and remembered that between my freshmen and junior years of college I took a total of 15 pictures. So now I feel sad again and am gonna go take a break on the couch, bbl.

Okay I'm back 4 days later. Hi. I have always had somewhat of an aversion to girls making their costumes slutty. From slutty ladybugs to lingerie models, we get it: you're going for sexy. But even though I always thought it was so lame, there is undoubtedly a part of me that was jealous. If I had a better body, would I have dressed sluttier? Hard to tell, but I'm sure I would've at least considered it.

But now that we're older, its become a little old and I think most girls get that. Which leaves a new group in charge: the funny girls. The only girls I'm more jealous of than the sexy ones are the ones that throw on the world's most ridiculous, unique costumes and get a laugh from everyone (including the guys) ....do I sound like a child? Whatevy, I'm being honest.

Which brings me to this year. I am dating someone who made it clear from day 1 how much he loves girls that are funny and careless and how lame he thinks slutty costumes are. Great, the pressure is off and I can pick any funny thing I want without having to crash diet for the last two weeks before Halloween! And the only thing better than having a great costume is being able to do a couples costume! says me. This is my first year so I've been pretty pumped. We had some talks about it and then it hit him, this brilliant idea: Gilligan and the Skipper.

.... I'll let that sit with you for a second.

So not only would I be Gilligan with big boy clothes, a short black wig, but I am not the boss in this relationship. And if it's up to him, I'm wearing no makeup. I tried it on, and yes, its hilarious. But also yes, I am hideous.

And I just don't think I can deal with that. Especially if I will be around girls dressed sexy, because then I'll just want to die. What happens if he takes a break from his "hilarious" girlfriend and glances for a second at a slutty looking skankaroo.

DEATH. That's what. For him and my costume.

So, what is the point of all of this? The point is that I've spent years hating on slutty girls, but realized I don't have what it takes to go in the complete opposite direction. I need to settle for somewhat funny, somewhat unique, and not totally ugly. I have one more day to pull off a costume that I'm surprising him with 1 day before Halloween and hoping he'll go for to save myself from this shipwreck. Get it?

Girl Unleashed

Help.

Remember awhile back when I had an epiphany regarding diets? And then my desire to not diet became even stronger after being reinforced by men's eating behaviors? Well here I am, after a few months of doing everything but dieting. And it's been amazing.

I've had a cheeseburger for lunch at work on two separate occasions.

I've ordered pasta dishes or steak and mashed potatoes for every meal out.

I've eaten pizza and chinese food, and then leftover pizza and chinese food.

I have made cakes and cookies and pie squares and eaten all of them.

For lunch last week I had a vanilla shake and sweet potatoe fries.

The above lunch would have been fine had it not been for the Dunkin Donut's pumpkin muffin I ingested earlier that day.

Speaking of pumpkin, several days before that when I was still unwilling to let myself go for the pumpkin muffin, I settled for a pumpkin donut.

And remember when I wrote about love chub, when people gain weight in relationships? And how I hoped that I'd be too embarrassed to eat in front of a live-in boyfriend? Well, to a certain point, that is true. Like when he's around, I can't hover over the stove after the meal to finished whatever starch is leftover in the pan. And I can't sit down on the couch with a spoon and a can of whipped cream and have my way with it. And I can't eat frosted flakes or cocoa puffs (ew who even buys those) straight out of the box when he's around.

But I can when he's not. And considering he's been home only 6 days out of the last 30...I've gotten myself into some trouble.

To make matters worse, I somehow convinced myself that going to the gym was the same unnecessary evil as dieting last month, visiting the gym only 3 times over the course of 4 or 5 weeks. My face has broken out, my body is mushier, and my new "skinny" pants don't fit well. Not to mention I have a form-fitting (why god, why?) dress to fit into for a wedding this weekend.

So, I think it's time to call off my non-diet. Just for a week maybe, right? So I can drop a quick 4 lbs? I would call this a crash diet, but the piece one of the cookies I brought to work today that I just secretly devoured will make that hard. Instead I'll be counting points, and perhaps getting my butt on a stationery bike, because apparently once you do classes, you never go back to a treadmill. Or elyptical. Or sidewalk, or anything that would require me to take responsiblity for my own workout.

crash diet advice welcome.