The Elevator Ride that wasn't.

Every morning, I take an elevator up to the 4th floor at work.

They are really tall stair cases, okay?

And fifty percent of the time, I have to run to catch the doors before they close. And don't for one second think that means I yell something like "Hold that door!" because I would rather die than yelling something like that and then have elevator riders see my wild eyes running towards them as the door closes in front of my face.

No, instead I stick my foot in, the elevator senses my foot, and the doors open! Works every time.

Well not every time. Specifically not the time I forgot to stick my foot in and instead stuck my hand in casually, like I owned the place. What I didn't realize is that elevators don't recognize hands (probably because mine is so small and dainty and perfect) as it does feet. What I also didn't realize was that I was holding my coffee.

Doors closes, hand is smooshed, coffee is crushed and then spilled. And then doors open to a bewildered group of elevator passengers. I mumble oh my god. Doors close.

Hello Wednesday!

Honeymooners Not Welcome

Our honeymoon is booked! We're going to St. Lucia and staying at a Sandals resort. I can get over the cheesy Sandals logos if it means no kids and families running around. What it also means, however, is that this Sandals is honeymoon central. I can't help but be worried that my biggest vacation fear (besides being eaten by a shark) might become a reality...

Making vacation friends.

UGH the thought of having to make friends on vacation makes me cringe. I barely have friends at home, so I definitely don't want them on our honeymoon! That said, we're going for 10 days. Maybe my husband will want to be hanging out with other people? Maybe he'll think its boring to go to a bar or club and only be with ourselves? Not me. Thats how I'd live the rest of my life if I could: on our bed, watching TV, alone. With some yellow peeps. Plus, chances are the other couple will consist of a girl who looks better in a bikini, and I will NOT voluntarily stand close enough to her for a pro-longed comparison.

Its just like going to a Japanese restaurant. Love the food, hate the company. Do you know what's worse than having to make friends in a Japanese restaurant or on a vacation? Making friends in a Japanese restaurant on your vacation! Which is what we'll be doing at "Kimonos." My fiance is not great at saying "no" to people, and I'm not great at making a bitchy-face (except when I'm at weddings where I don't know anybody and I feel uncomfortable, apparently).

But I am DETERMINED not to make friends, and will make whatever face I have to for the entire 10 days to make sure that does not happen. And if the stink eye doesn't work, I'm not above using the clown.

(Picture was taken in Aruba. We did not make any friends in Aruba.)

Peep Season

I think I need to start blogging for the sole reason that I am heavier than ever and have a wedding in six months. Six months!!! Like hi if your own wedding doesnt make you kick it into gear, ...then...well then I'm in trouble I guess.

Plus, I don't know how many more times I can start off a Monday morning by exclaiming, "I start my wedding diet today!" before everyone just rolls their eyes and helps me finish the sentence. Last week I really thought I got it together, and on Wednesday I had my first perfect eating day: no breads, no added sugar, no fake sugar (with the exception of one teeny weeny Equal in my coffee), and all lean protein, fruits and veggies: Boom!

Then JR came home with peeps and it was all over. And it wasn't one of those 5 peep-packages...it was more like the 12-peep version. I kept saying "JR hurry up and start eating some before I eat them all." He kept ignoring me, and then finally looked at the package and said "well, jesus!..." and started eating a few despite his not being hungry to keep me from eating them all. Not only did I ruin my perfect day and lose some of my motivation, I also managed to totally gross out my fiance.

Wedding diet fail. Start again today? Ready go.