I'm F'ing Old

I'm 27 years old. Twenty seven and 30 practically touch when you right them down. I'm finding that different things anger me, different things excite me, and I think differently in terms of my every day life than I have in my younger years.

I finally found a garlic press that works really well and I feel like I've really won the game of life.

I don't have any clothes in my closet that say "i'm sexy" aside from one shirt I've had for 4 years that shows decent cleavage.

I feel one glass of wine.

I cooked popcorn on the stove last night by heating the kernels in some oil and now feel like I'm a little bit more qualified for motherhood.

Looking back on the last year, the only times I've danced have been at weddings.

Still looking back, the only times I've been drunk have been at weddings.

I have guilt over not vacuuming in over a month.

"This tastes so good" has the same effect that "You're so hot" used to.

I refuse to go to fanueil hall bars. If you're female, there's no difference between being 27 and 45.

I have been saying things like, "when I was in highschool we didn't dress like that..." and "that must be a new thing among college girls, because when I was that age...". woof.

When I go out for drinks I am still in bed by 10pm.

All I want for Christmas is my Kitchenaid mixer.

...and some slippers for around the house.

The first night JR and I spent together in this apartment, I came home so excited to make him our first dinner. He told me he already ate hot dogs because he was hungry, and I cried for 30 minutes straight.

Heels... what are those?

I cook roast beef. Boom.

After seeing a lady trying to calm down her younger daughter with a severe mental disability, I sat quietly on the T and visualized having a healthy uterus where a healthy baby could grow.

...did things just get weird? Whatevs, I'm old. You probably are too so shut it.