Breastfeeding: Are you kidding me

So hi, I'm back. I'm a mom now.

Now that that's out of the way, let's get into it. Obviously, I was unprepared for tons for things before this little bugger came along.

For one, I was unprepared for him to be a boy. That's another blog.

Secondly, I was unprepared for how hard it would be to eat healthy/work out after he came, despite not living under a rock.

And, among many other unexpected things, I was unprepared for how much BREASTFEEDING CAN SUCK. There, I said it!!

Howwww could the women who came before me not prepare me for this?! In the beginning, having to pump after every feeding to help the milk come in...are you kidding me...at 1:00am, 3:30am, 5:30am...and all you want to do is cry. But you can't cry, that cuts into sleep time.

Then the pain. OH, the pain. The kind of pain where, when your baby latches on and your supporting his head delicately, it takes everything in you to keep yourself from SQUEEZING the little life out of it.  To make things worse, baby's actually chomp. Like growl and CHOMP like a dinasour when they're trying to latch on. Sometimes, by mistake, you get so scared you back away and they chomp on air. It's the saddest, scariest, funniest thing you'll ever see.

But anyway, back to the pain. Couldn't sleep, couldn't hug my husband, couldn't walk around or sit with a shirt or bra on for the first 2 months. That's right, just let them hang out all day, with maternity pants pulled up right under them. Makes for an interesting moment when you forget, and try to let a trapped fly out the front door in the middle of the day.

Then blocked ducts start to appear - painful, hard, huge lumps you have to apply warm compresses to and massage all day.  Then scabbing and cracking. That's right, cracking. Nothing gets you feeling faint quicker than looking down and seeing blood. Then, for lucky me, eczema. Like, are you kidding me. Persistent, PAINFUL eczema on one side that you can't get rid of, so you have to nurse the baby on one side, then go and pump the other side afterwards. All day, and all night.  And don't forget the milk blisters that absolutely kill. And then the milk blisters cause more blocked ducts and lower your supply, so you have to constantly pump in between 2 hour feedings. Oh, and they caused mastitis - awful pain, flu-like symptoms and a fever - so that was a fun, too.

In the beginning, before I had to take my poor little 4 week old to have his tongue-tie and lip-tie corrected using a laser procedure, we needed a nipple shield. Position shield just right. Try to position baby on just right. Baby knocks it off. Cries out of hunger. Pick it up, go wash it again, put it back on, baby knocks it off, cries out of hunger. Repeat 4 more times before actual nursing can begin.

And on top of it, Joey was NOT one for breastfeeding in public. On and off, on again, off again, crying, kicking, grunting, moaning, off, on, off, on. I look longingly at other mothers quietly bfeeding under those cute covers in public, using only one arm, looking around casually as if nothing is taking place under that blanket. For us, those covers were a joke. I needed two hands, a stool, and a huge range of space for us both to get it right.

But, at least breastfeeding helps you lose weight. Just kidding. This is me we're talking about. I have never been grosser, and after dropping 30 lbs in the first two weeks (I was so scared/shocked I couldn't eat... for the first time in my life), I haven't lost an ounce. AN OUNCE.

Oh my god...just writing this all out is making me wonder if this is all even worth it???

Yes, yes it is.

Because it's also the best thing I've ever experienced. When there's been no pain, it's the most special thing in the world and I get to do it all day long with the most special person in the world. I'll never, ever forget it, and will always appreciate every second - even the worst of it.

So, as I'm wrapping up here, let me clarify. This is not an anti-breastfeeding post. I am VERY pro-breastfeeding. It is so awesome, in so many ways. I want to videotape it sometimes because he's so funny and cute, and then I snap out of it and realize I'm talking about videotaping my son breastfeeding.

Most others probably have had an easier time than me, and for most, the pain goes away after the first month. So, maybe you'll be lucky and cruise right through. I'm just saying, be prepared for this to be the hardest thing you've ever done. It might make the start-up a little easier.

The end!