Rejected

When you're a female living in the dating world, there are usually three choices you're faced with pretty consistently. Say yes, say no, or ask the guy out yourself.

Since the latter choice is not really an option for some of us more passive girls, we're pretty much left with a yay or nay. ...But then there are those who don't know HOW to reject people, so they say yes to everyone. Allow myself to introduce myself.

My name is Lani, and I don't know how to properly reject someone.

For years, I relied on "I have a boyfriend". In highschool, I tried something new and went in the "I'm not interested in guys" direction. This was not only entertaining for both me and Courtney, it was effective as well. Until one of those boys enrolled at Stoughton High and years later I found out everyone thought Courtney and I were a legitimately gay couple.

But then there are the ridiculous situations where its almost insane for you not to flat out reject a person. My freshmen year, I did community service one day and helped out at a local gym where I was approached by a nearly 45 year old possibly-homeless man who asked me out. Whereas the obvious rejection line should have been: What in God's name is wrong with you? Mine was: I have a boyfriend.

But rejecting people for dates wasn't my only problem. It was rejecting kisses too. If someone leaned in, chances were they were going to be successful. How gross am I? There were also people who guilted me into kissing them by acting offended and making me feel mean. This happened on two separate occasions. So yes these guys were jerks, but that doesn't make me any less of an idiot. Recently, I've curtailed my kissing incidents by offering only a cheek. Butt cheek! Not really. That helped, except when you're sitting on the roof top of the Rattlesnake and some guy who's getting ready to leave tries to kiss you and you say, "No, just on the cheek" and he literally grabs your face with both hands and rams your lips into his.

Or how about just wanting to kiss someone and then never having to see them again? That's not the way it goes in guys' heads apparently. So even though I would have literally no intention of ever talking to a person again, I'd hand out my phone number. I have been unable to answer unknown numbers for 7 years now.

One of my biggest problems was dating someone and then not knowing how to end it. I'd just keep dating, and then eventually make up a ridiculous lie, like "I'm in love with your friend still", or I'd just stop responding to them completely. Terrible. So, I had decided to stop dating until I learned how to properly reject/break up with someone. Then I started dating my BACKYARD neighbor, which based on past experiences was a recipe for disaster. It luckily wasn't.

But that brings up my question: How do people prefer to be rejected? To their face? Explicitly? Or by eventually just figuring it out themselves after a series of unreturned texts and calls? I choose the latter, its less awkward for everyone and at least you can lie and tell yourself and others that you "stopped talking" to them, because in theory you did, right? Choice is overrated.


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