Mani and a Pedi Please?

Later today I'm going to try and sneak in a manicure and pedicure. Let's start there. I hate saying mani and pedi. Or mani pedi. It really embarrasses me. I think it makes me sound like a stereotypical superficial annoying girl, the same way I feel when I have to ask the gas attendant to help me fill up my tires, or when I park crooked by mistake.

So, by now, you know I'm not a huge fan of small talk. You're usually not a fan of things you stink at. I'm also not good at understanding people with strong accents. Therefore, I'm not a fan of those conversations either. So when I'm face-to-face with a woman with a strong accent who wants to do small talk, you can imagine my uneasiness.

If they have a tv, I watch it. If there are magazines within reach, I grab them. If they have a fish tank, I'm staring at it. Anything to avoid conversation. I give one word answers with a smile. I never know what they ask so I try to think of the most acceptable way to reply. "ohh haha." "yup!" ...I can't think of any more, those are my only two replies.

I sound like a bitch, right? But I can promise you, I don't think thats how I come off.

There is something about being in a nail salon that suddenly brings on all these feelings of inadequacy, ...more than usual. I feel out of place, like I don't belong there and don't deserve manicures and pedicures, and they know it! I think they pity me, and talk to me like a child and give me condescending smiles and speak in their language about how retarded I am. I think.

Throw my mother into the mix, and it becomes unbearable . This is something we do for fun with eachother every couple of months. Except, I'm not sure why, because its never fun for us. We always end up wanting to cry-laugh or fighting. As soon as we step in the door this wave of self-consciousness settles in and we might as yell, "Listen up! We are the Telian girls and we're here to make everyone around us feel as physically and mentally uncomfortable as possible!" Finding a place to hang her coat, knowing where to go to pick a color, when to go sit down, undersatnding what they just said, what to ask for, how to pay, when to pay, how much to tip, ...it's all so painful, and its the same each and every time, like, we/she never learns the routine.

So sometimes I'll go alone. Which I don't mind and its fine usually, until they start scrubbing my feet. Do you KNOW what its like to giggle, alone, when a stranger is doing something that tickles you? Do you understand how UNCOMFORTABLE you're making that person by accusing them of tickling your feet?

I guess I could just start painting them myself again and maybe grab ice cream with mum instead. It would be worth the extra calories, for all parties involved.