My own Sing Off

So I was sitting on the couch watching The Sing Off on NBC,and as some of the less talented groups performed, one thought led to another: I love a capella so much. I wish I could be in this group. I am better than some of these people. I should've joined an a capella group. It was then that I remembered I did try out for an a capella group in college. ...and then I sat on the couch, depressed, for the rest of the show.

I had a rough time in college, thats no surprise to those who know me. Emotionally, physically, I'd even go as far as to say psychologically, freshmen-junior year just weren't my best. But junior year I began to pull myself out of the darkness by joining political groups, kicking my classes' butts, joining sports clubs, and getting my weight issues/thoughts under control. But I needed to go all the way. I was going to take my love for singing and bring myself to the top. A capella try outs! I saw a flyer advertising tryouts in a week, so I started practicing. The night of the try out I called my mum and practiced over the phone with her. I want to make sure you're picturing that correctly. I called her. Then sang into the phone. And she sang back.

I headed to the music hall and was greeted by a sign up sheet asking me to list my singing history. That should have been a very easy answer, for all I had to do was write, "no formal experience" or if I only slightly wanted to embarrass myself, maybe "chorus." Meh. Instead, I listed every play, made up a few choirs, and listed FAMILY CONCERTS. I put those two words down on the sign up sheet. When I was younger, there was a huge event/carnival at the CAP playground, and my mother and a few aunts played guitar and sang a few songs on the stage. This was the scene I was picturing when I decided to jot down "family concerts."

My name got called and I walked into the world's tiniest room, with space for a piano, me, and TWO BOYS. Both normal/cute. So I took a second to convince myself that they were gay. Then I thought, welp, I haven't sang, by myself to a crowd since kindergarten when my mum made me try out for the school play and I cried on stage and sang in a shaky quiet voice. NEVER AGAIN, I told my 4-year old self. I was wrong, because here I was staring at two cute men 10 inches from my face eager to hear what I had come to sing.

And that was "Donna" by Dion and the Belmonds. ahem. So it was time to start- and how did I know what key to start in? I memorized a button on my cell phone, and matched my voice to that. Then, I realized I didn't know how to sing TO poeple. So instead of singing to them, or closing my eyes, I turned to the right and FACED THE WALL. So after I was done serenading the side of the room, I turned back to the boys, who I'm sure we're using everything in their power not to laugh. They then asked me to do some scales. "Do you know how to do those?" they asked. And while the answer should have been, "not a clue", I said yes. So that was another absolute disaster, and now I could just feel their pity. I left that room so unbelievably ashamed, and called my mother to laugh/cry about how ridiculously bad the experience had turned out to be. I spent the next year and a half avoiding those two "gay" guys at all costs.