Clothes only skinny girls can wear

As women, the clothing choices available to us are endless. So many colors, so many styles, so many different ways to wear things. But just because something is "in" doesn't mean we can all rush out to buy it. One of my beloved readers suggested a blog about clothes only certain people can get away with. And those certain people are, you guessed it, skinny girls. Here's a short list of things we love on others and hate on ourselves.

Pointy-toed heels with Jeans
I'm so glad these are going out of style. If you're a little heavy, and asking yourself how you can acquire the Miss Piggy look, or what you can do to look as top heavy as physically possible, then pointy-toes are your answer. I say we burn them and never look back.

One-piece Bathing Suits
This one is tricky, because you would think if anyone can and should wear a one-piece, its someone who is overweight. Do you know what it's like to wear one of these things? We get these gross bulges at the hips, where the insanely tight bikini line cuts off all circulation to your legs. No matter what size you try, those legs holes just don't seem to get any looser. And there's absolutely zero boob support, instead it just shmooshes you in and down. If you want to know what you're going to look like as a 56 year old woman, try one on. Be carefult though. With the recent increase in sexy Victoria Secret one-pieces, it's important NOT to get fooled: we will not look like that. I was fooled, obviously, and I tried a few on last summer. I left the store hating myself. ...again.

Corduroys
I only try corduroys on once every, I don't know, 6 years. Every time I do, I'm surprised at how little I was using my brain as I decided to bring them into the dressing room. Anything that makes my thighs sound like they're singing doesn't need to belong to me.

Blazers/Suit Jackets
When a thin woman wears a jacket like this, not only does she look stylish, she looks powerful and professional. When I wear this, I look like a fat, masculine child playing dress up for mock-trial day at school whose body is either lost in the size of a jacket that can comfortably button over my boobs, or desperately trying bust out at the seams of a jacket that is snug enough to show that I somewhat have a woman's shape. I can't win. I've decided that these are no longer appropriate when I interview, as they hurt me much, much more than they help.

Leggings with a short shirt
I even have trouble wearing leggings with a long shirt, ever since elementary school when Travis King yelled out to me that fat people shouldn't wear stretchy pants. Then Kristen Barry yelled back at him, I've been grateful for that ever since KB. I got past that, but I still know enough to not wear a short shirt.

I mean, I'm not sure I even need to mention skinny jeans. It's in the title for god's sake. When these are worn right, on the right person, they look pretty darn hot. But when they look bad, they look BAD. For some reason, there are STILL times when I try to pull off this look. Why, Lani, why?? One time I wore skinny jeans with heels, not boots (very daring, for those of you who don't get it), with a long shirt of course. I went to a party, and ended up falling in the fattest, slowest, most pathetic way possible right onto my butt on the kitchen floor. I took it as a sign from God that I was never to wear that outfit again.