Dating

As a 26-year-old woman, I've done some dating. I've dated plenty of people, with plenty of different personalities. The result was stories. Lots and lots of horrible stories. Because when I was in doubt, I did, in fact, do it for the story.

But for the sake of this blog, I decided to come up with a list of advice rather than list these stories. So here is some dating insight for both men and women, from me to you:

Boys,
1. If you want to tell the girl you just met at the bar that you'd have great sex together, stop yourself.

2. If you want to tell the girl you just met at the bar that she has great breasts,... that is not so bad. and thanks.

3. It's cooler to find out that you have a child before we start dating.

4. When you think a girl you haven't introduced yourself to yet is pretty, try to stay away from telling her: "I want to rape you".

5. Do not invite a girl out for a date, bring your work buddy, and spend the night playing fuzbol against another girl.

6. Do not brag about your size with someone you are about to hook up with. We clearly will find out the truth.

Ladies,
1. Do not say yes to a date with a boy who's face you were too drunk to remember. He may just turn out to be old. Very old.

2. Find out what they call "under garments" right away. If the answer is "underweahz", nip that thing in the butt. bud. whatever.

3. "!!!" or ";)" in more than a few text messages is grounds for dismissal.

4. When someone has not returned your call after one date, do not then challenge that person to a game of Jetman on Facebook. ...a mistake I'll never make again.

5. Do not date two men with the almost same name at the same time.

6. Don't, I repeat DON'T go out with someone you met on the T. You will continue to see them on the T. Aaaall the timeeee.

7. When someone threatens to bang down your front door if you don't start answering their calls, ...well I'm sure this would've ended better had I known the right answer, so I suppose you're on your own in this scenario.

8. If you are ending up drunk at the end of almost all of your dates, you are doing something wrong. ...Or are you?

9. When you get a voicemail from the angry wife of a "single" guy you were with once who is demanding you call her back, I suggest you do just that.

10. If a boy tells you on the first date that it's "been a long time" since he last went to a strip club, and you find out he means 2 months, this should be your last date.

11. Ask a guy about his roommates BEFORE you get together. That way you'll know whether or not roommates = wife and child. (unfortunately, an all together separate situation from number 9)

...Good luck!