An epic post

I have just committed to a 7-day, all-inclusive vacation to Cozumel, Mexico on April 1st with my boyfriend, his good friend, and his good friend's (much thinner) girlfriend, who are both awesome. But this has prompted my ultimate attempt to lose my weight (...again).

Today, I go where few women have dared to go before. I've decided that for my 752nd shot at losing 10-15 lbs, I will post my progress publicly. I will reveal my weight for all to see. Boyfriends. Ex-boyfriends. Boyfriends that never were. Girls that are much thinner. Girls that are much heavier. People that dislike me. People that think this is obnoxious. It's here for anyone's eyes.

I have been lying about my weight since I was 6 years old. In second grade, my friends in the next class over told me they were asked to go around the room and say their weight for math class. I was horrified, and immediately started coming up with a number that wouldn't embarrass me just in case my teacher decided to be just as ruthless. But, as I've grown older, I've (slowly) realized that if someone finds out what you weigh, you don't all of a sudden look fat or fatter to them. You still look the same, theres just a number to go along with it.

This morning, world, I stepped on the scale and weighed 151 lbs. I've been higher and I've been lower, but I've finally come to understand that this is just where my body wants to be. This is more than some of the guys I've dated. A chilling thought, for both parties I'm sure. For years, around 13 years actually, I have dreamed of being 125-130lbs. Many of you I'm sure are, or aim to be 110-125 lbs, but that is so low to me it's never realistically crossed my mind. In 6th grade, I wrote in a diary. About every 2nd entry, I'd write about how much I wanted to lose weight. In middle school, I wrote a letter to myself that I read at a later age that stated how I hoped I'd weigh 130 lbs by the time I read the letter. I wasn't. In high school, my English class buried a time capsule, for which I also wrote a letter to my hopefully-thin older self. You'd think, after 13 years you'd stop hoping and just either lose the weight or shut up about it.

But I haven't done either. I have been stuck at this same stupid weight for at least 3 months now, all the while "dieting". I have taken a step that I consider to be major though: I signed myself up for a trainer at the gym... which is another blog all in itself.

So, though no one cares but me, I will try to post my weight weekly in the hopes that by April 1st, I will weigh 140 lbs or less. If the past is any indication of what may come of this, then I will most likely not make it. But, either way, I'm letting you into the world of just another girl struggling with her weight. And through my posts, whether you weigh more or less, I hope this helps you shed any shame you have around whatever your number is. Ready, set, go.